Quest to Blogtopia

Where’s the Blog God when I need Him?

Prachi and I started our blog just over a month ago. Actually…I have no idea, all the days are melding into one big herculean never ending jumbo day. Around week 3 I think I finally surpassed the honeymoon phase where you jump in your chair and call your mom at every singular new view or comment.

Today, I worked 10 hours with almost nothing to show for it. I had my first day where I realized the monster I had gotten myself into. I was realizing the work and commitment this was going to take and seriously considered quitting.

I call this day “The Wake Up Day” as in… WAKE UP GOOD MORNING B***H LOOK WHAT YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO HAHA.

We were so upset we wanted to leave but decided to be mature and channel that anger into content. To make an record so we (and you) can later see what a nightmare trying to start a blog from the ground up is.

And of course also how rewarding it can be, but that’s for another post. This is a full on rage fest. So without any further ado, here are my (and Prachis’) unfiltered* thoughts the moment after that 10 hour shift:

*minus some spelling changes since half the words were rendered unreadable due to the Lightening McQueen rage typing

 

today

today was the day where I started applying to my old job at Starbucks again.

today was the day where I considered lighting my computer on fire, moving to a cave in the Himalayas, banging two rocks together for heat, catching fish with my bear hands and eating it raw a la Smegol.

THIS IS HORRIBLE

I’M STARTING A BUSINESS FROM THE GROUND UP WITH NO KNOWLEDGE OF ANYTHING BESIDES BARELY KNOWING HOW TO OPEN A FILE FOLDER

  • We’re trying to run a marathon with only a torso
  • trying to fly with no wings
  • trying to pirate with no ship

We’re trying to run and promote a facebook page, write funny and quality content, comment and like other blogs, support fellow new bloggers, maintenance the site, CREATE the site for that matter, learn how to hyperlink, learn how to photoshop,  MAKE A PINTEREST and FIGURE THAT ALL OUT AND LET ME TELL YOU PINTEREST IN AN ABOVE GROUND SATANIC LAIR FULL OF BEAUTIFUL PHOTOS THAT MAKES NO SENSE,

-learn about google SEOs, what’s a rich pin? s**t we were supposed to SELF HOST?!

…switch over to self hosting, design logos, hire a designer to make a logo because we can’t design logos, learn how to edit photos, comment on a comment thread 3,000 blogs deep, is the Brusher font too basic-DIY-blog-y? Do we have to learn code to make dropdowns? Why do all the photos say attachment:1? Why are all my headers coming out of Canva all blurry?

-I keep hearing about Yoast, what’s Yoast? I think we’re supposed to be using Yoast. Google “writing code for dummies”, try to write some code, write google HTML links or something so google finds our site, anyalytics?? huh?

-Is this copywritten? should I site these photos? can I pin google photos? everyone was right, wordpress dot com IS SO LIMITING, wait I have to MAKE pins? why ARE ALL MY PHOTOS BLURRY AGAIN

-Pick a theme with a right side bar and a header that’s not to big and not too small and the square article boxes we want and a logo site not in the middle and the sidebar not highlighted and no footer and ALL THE THEMES ARE 90% CLOSE BUT NONE OF THE THEMES ARE PERFECT AND JUST ANNOYING ENOUGH NOT TO USE AND

WHY

IS

CANVA NOT LOADING MY PHOTOS?!

WHAT IS MY EMAIL PASSWORD?! I SWEAR THIS IS IT!

 

WHY AM I TRYING TO START A BUSINESS ONLINE WITH A COOKING DEGREE AND THE ONE COMPUTER CLASS I TOOK IN COLLEGE I PAID SOMEONE TO DO FOR ME BECAUSE I HATED COMPUTERS THAT MUCH

WHAT AM I DOING?!

THIS WILL NEVER BE SUCCESSFUL THERE’S OVER A BILLION BLOGGERS AND ALMOST NONE MAKE IT! I’M BASICALLY TRYING TO BE THE BLOGGING VERSION OF KANYE. WHY DO I THINK I’M TALENTED ENOUGH TO MAKE THIS WORK, I’M NOT! THIS IS INSANE I’M WASTING MY TIME AND ENERGY AND MONEY.

I AM LOSING THE HALF OF A MIND I HAVE LEFT.

I SPEND 8 HOURS A DAY AT THE PC ROOM AFTER MY 8 HOUR TEACHING JOB BECAUSE AS STRESSFUL AS THIS IS I love it

  • and I want to try
  • and I want this to work
  • and I have the talent to make this work

I have a great partner (not in a relationship way) and amazing writing and general great skills and WE ARE EXTRAORDINARY AND WE CAN DO THIS

If I don’t pass out from hunger because I have $37 in my account and one egg and one corndog in my stomach until next Wednesday.

goodnight

see you when I’m famous

 

or at my funeral dead from starvation

 

Read Prachi’s much more eloquently phrased and organized account of this incident

Pin it for a “Most Valuable Reader” Certificate!

-x-

Comment below! Option 1: your most mind numbing blogging experience. Option 2: email a pic of your dog to alieneatingblog@gmail.com to console me.

Option 2 preferred!

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